I had a conversation with a co-worker today. We’ve talked many times during the past 11 years about a variety of things. But it had been a little while since I’ve shared with her about how my life has been. She knows that I’m thinking a lot about what my next step will be, and that there’s a particularly organization that I’ve been keeping up with for about a year now. So we talked about that today. I mentioned that I’m always keeping up with their work and job openings, but mostly as a passing interest (even though I know that what they do would likely be exactly what I’ve been looking for). And I thought that it wouldn’t come up in my mind again for another several weeks because that’s been the pattern lately.
A few hours later, I’m at the bowling alley with the students who are trying out for the team. And one of them is wearing a t-shirt with the organization’s name on it. I hadn’t ever seen one of these shirts before. I ask the student where he got it and he said it probably belonged to one of his older brothers. And even at that moment, I didn’t think much of it.
20 minutes ago, I remembered this moment and wondered if it was a sign. Sure, from the perspective of entropy and chaos, it was a coincidence. I’m not someone who is in the habit of assigning deeper meaning to things like t-shirts and songs and dreams when they just happen randomly.
But still. It was enough of a sign to me that I should keep pursuing this passing dream a bit more deliberately. It was enough of a jolt to motivate me just a little bit more. It’s becoming more evident to me that I am going through the deepest period of depression and/or existential angst of my life. So I’m not really noticing much of anything lately outside of a few, specific interests.
So maybe it wasn’t a sign. But it was something.
I’ll take it.